I was talking to Mariah yesterday, she pointed out something that I've known but it is nice that other people see it as well. I have changed...a lot! 10 years ago I was pregnant with twins that I placed for adoption. I was in a very bad place in my life but thought I was so grown up.
This weekend Jonathan and I went to a bbq. We had a very good time and love the people who were there. The thing that made me uncomfortable were all of the little kids. This was a big person party where some were drinking and cussing without any thought of little ears.
Having this little boy in my belly makes me think constantly "Would I bring my child into this situation". The answer to this question and the bbq was absolutely not. I don't want my kids talking like or that so I am going to do my best not to expose them to it.
When Jonathan and I talked about it on the way home I was so happy when he agreed with me. He said that he had no problem letting our friends know that they need to watch how they speak and if they can't keep the cursing under control we just wouldn't have Loco around them. Whew! What a relief. We also agreed that in parenting our children we would lean to the more conservative side. So if 1 of us feels strongly about something we would go with that as the rule of thumb. Whatever that would be; drinking, movies, appropriate clothing, and who knows whatelse. Boy I love how logical and level headed my husband is.
As I told all of this to Mariah she exclaimed "Do you hear yourself speak? Do you know how far you have come?" I moved back into my parents house during my pregnancy. Mariah, Jon and kids were living there saving money to buy a house as well. Part of their moving out was due to my actions. She didn't want her boys exposed some of the things I did and said. I am so sorry for that.
I do know I have changed a lot in the last 10 years. I know that I will be a much better parent now then I would have been then (a big part of the reason I placed the twins for adoption). I am glad that I have an amazing husband to support, love, and help raise this little boy.
I want to say that if I offended or acted in a way that made you not want to have your children around me I am so sorry. I know that is part of growing up but I am becoming aware of how much we effect others around us.
We as parents have to protect and shelter our kids while at the same time expose them to just enough that they understand the world on the level they are ready for.
At times I am terrified about raising Loco but Jonathan has reassured me that no matter what he will hold my hand through the tough times.
Mom and Dad-thank you for loving me and supporting me through all of my years. You are amazing parents and I couldn't have ask for better. I know that I will be needing your advice and love as well.
Paulette-Thank you for raising such an amazing man. I couldn't have asked for a more honest, loving, hard working man to raise my children with. I know that is because of the great parents you and L.E. have been to Jonathan. Thank you for opening your arms to me and treating me like a daughter.
2 comments:
On Megan, You made me cry. It has been so good to keep up with your life these past few months. It felt like you fell off the face of the Earth, but I did think of you often and wondered what you were doing. I would think of us at grandma's house and putting on makeup and thinking we were so big and we totally knew it all. Looking back I wonder why someone didn't knock some sense into us, who knows, maybe they tried. My point is you really do have to figure somethings out for yourself. Kids help you do that- fast! I am so excited for your little guy to come into your life, I am glad that you have a chance to be a mother. I am glad that you found Jonathan and that he is so good to you and you can have this adventure together. I love you lots and miss you. I wish we could get together, next time you are up here we should do a girls lunch and get us all together.
I love you baby and know that we are going to get through this wonderfully. I am really excited about the changes in our life.
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